Maybe Yes, Maybe Not.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Everybody gets to a point in their lives when they just don't know. And I'm not only talking about not knowing "why we're here and where do we go and how come is so hard". I'm talking about absolutely everything. Chocolate or vanilla? Cheese or pepperoni? Mountain Dew or Dr. Pepper? There's just so many options out there, it's almost impossible to stick with only one. And I know better, because there's how I've been my whole life. I used to take at least twenty minutes just to figure out which ice cream flavor I wanted. I wanted chocolate, but I also wanted vanilla. What if I had chocolate and then later found out that what I really wanted was vanilla? But what if I had vanilla and later found out that what I really wanted was chocolate? Maybe I should just go with strawberry. And that added other twenty minutes, because the more options you have, the longer it takes. And maybe that's the beauty of life, you know. There's always other options. If I choose vanilla and don't like it, I can always get a chocolate later. But this change of opinion requires money(because "there ain't no such thing as a free lunch", as any good economist or Mr Foutz' student knows) and a certain amount of psychological strength(tasting nasty ice cream can be really disturbing and traumatizing for some people). And this fear of not having financial resources or a strong mind kept me from making decisions for the past, um, almost seventeen years. But after going through the two phases ("I want this, no discussion. Everybody has to do what I want." and "Ummm, I don't really care, whatever you guys want"), I think I got to a balance point. Now I'm more like "I don't care what you choose to do, but I want to make clear that this is what I want". I'm not saying that I'm gonna give up myself to do what everybody else wants, but I won't push my ideas into people's minds either.
But that doesn't mean I know how to make decisions yet. I went through the agreement part, but the choosing process is still a torture for me. Maybe not as horrible as before, but still painful. Some choices are gonna be harder than others, and the outcome is not always going to be what you wanted or thought it would be. But that's the beauty of life, you know. Not knowing where you're going and being surprised each day that goes by. As long as you know where you are. And I am happy to say that right now I know exactly where I am and what I want. It may not last very long, but at least for now, it's good to be sure about at least one thing in my life. Let's see what happens when tomorrow comes.


Seria bem legal se eu me lembrasse o que é que eu queria naquela época.......